When the rubber meets the road

Yesterday felt like a watershed day. After the normal frustrations of records not being sent to the right doctor (nothing goes smoothly at the Cancer Center for Healing), we met with Dr. Virginia Von Shaefer to hear the verdict. It does feel that way - like you are walking into a courtroom to see if all of your efforts are going to be rewarded or if life could take a more difficult turn. What we crave as patients and loved ones is some certainty. As usual, the reality is that there really isn't any. The report from the radiologist states that there is some mild (my word) progression of disease from about a year ago when I had the last PET scan. I am relieved because a year ago the City of Hope expert in T-Cell Lymphoma and the pathologists there determined that the cancer was doubling every 34 days, which it clearly is not. I so wish I could forget her parting words, "You can wait to start chemo - but don't wait too long." Ugh. What does that mean? Dr. Virginia ...

That is exactly how I feel right now - Fine, just fine. Safe. As I think I wrote about before, it became crystal clear to me a couple weeks ago that the doubting, questioning, suspicious, confused mind that I have battled for over a year about treatments, supplements, herbs, experts, costs, differing opinions, blah, blah, blah - finally gave way to the very clear realization that, as long as I am praying and trusting the Living God who made me and loves me more and better than anyone else, including myself, I can be at peace. He sees the future and knows how my story unfolds. And I can trust him, completely. I am not putting my trust in doctors; I am putting my trust in God himself. It has taken the angst out of my life. Granted, I am a leaky vessel. I know that the only way to keep my mind in such a place is to be constantly refilled by being in his Word and in prayer. But I am singing again with my favorite songs in the new little fun car he plopped into my life (a used mini co...

Up until a few weeks ago, I had felt pretty good most of the time, except when I got a vaccine created for me for an Epstein Barr Virus that was active. It made me worse; the herbalist I go to gave me an awful tasting concoction that seemed to help. The lymph nodes in my neck even went down. But 2.5 weeks ago, I got the flu and I haven't been able to shake it. In fact, I ended up with a UTI, had to take a Z-pack, only for my kidneys to start to hurt like an infection. I haven't had a UTI or kidney infection in years, and I have dealt with kidney stones a hand full of times, so I know what kidney pain is. I went in for testing yesterday and spent an excruciating day at the Cancer Center for Healing, trying to get fit in to my doctor's too busy schedule. After meeting with her, we decided I am jeopardizing my health by working. I just can't keep up on all the appointments and the daily regimen that seems to keep the lymphoma at bay - especially as infection seems to be ...