Needing Patience and When 100 Thank you's aren't enough.

Patience is a challenge. It's all about perspective. I am only on about Day 52. Or, I can realize how fortunate I am to be feeling well enough to feel impatient. No rashes, no temperatures, no bad labs. They expect people to need blood transfusions and hospital stays so I'm beating the odds and I need to remember that. 

I walk a little farther every day and added some light weights tonight. I am always questioning if I could have been more active in the hospital but it really was a challenge being confined to my room except with a very busy staff person and then put on the alarmed bed. 

I've very thin with lost muscle mass like I've never experienced before. Sometimes my legs feel like they are made of cement. Some joints are stiff and ache-ie. I have high hopes for rebuilding and getting into better shape for my new life without lymphoma. 

I've extended the lease for the apartment we are staying at to be on the safe side. 

Patience is a virtue. Virtue is a grace. Put them both together. Make a very lovely face. Thank you for sharing your poem, Sis. 

 On another topic...I'm not sure I'll be able to get this on paper in a way that makes sense to others. But I want to try. 

A long time ago, I "learned" something that may have been from Facebook or a show about behind the scenes of Downton Abbey - so it's got to be true, right? It was that royalty doesn't say "Thank you" to the people serving them. 

I came to understand why this might be so in the last weeks. 

Even after fracturing my spine in 4 places and being in a hard cast for months. Even when pregnant or in labor or after giving birth to our 3 beautiful sons. Even after fracturing both my ankles at the same time or passing kidney stones a few times. Even after all these life experiences, I didn't need to be taken care of the way I have needed during this process. 

At some points, it feels ridiculous to repeat the words "Thank you" so many times in a day - to the same wonderful person who has selflessly put their own life on pause to help me for a few days, a week, or for weeks/months like my hubby. One night I was so weak and fatigued that I really couldn't lift the heavy comforter onto myself. I was so relieved when my little sister came in and tucked me in so sweetly. I must have said "thank you" to her 100 times that day. She just saw the needs and took care of them, saving me from needing to ask which she knows is a challenge for me. Thank you just doesn't express my gratitude after a while to everyone who has been helping me, but it's what rolls off the tongue. 

It's been so sweet - every person that has "finished a shift" does a clean up for the next person coming. I have a team of very considerate people around me. 

There are very thoughtful people who have cooked for me or brought food they thought I could use, sent cards, and gifts, and encouraging texts, and Scripture verses who have bolstered me through what has been one of the hardest things I've slogged through in my 60 years. Thank you! 

I find myself thanking God a lot too! I can't help but know that the Holy Spirit has been working on my behalf in that every person who has come to help has come at the perfect time. I don't need nearly as much help now as I did a month ago. I am still told not to drive and I need someone with me to get me to appointments and to the Clinic or ER if I started to show symptoms of a problem or if there was an emergency. I need help with meals or I'd end up eating celery and peanut butter all day. The companionship and encouragement to get out and walk, stay on time with my meds, use the red light therapy on my shoulder, and much more - is very helpful. 

As I mentioned before, my hubby's 90 year old mom passed away a couple weeks ago. He had warning that she was not eating or drinking much and sleeping a lot. He jumped on a plane and 2 of our sons were able to take a couple days off work each to be with me. I'm so glad Andy was able to be with his mom as she passed and I'm so grateful I got uninterrupted personal time with our adult sons! Precious. 

Thank you, Lord! You really do know best and you really are for us. Thank you.  

Heparin Lock time.