Hospital protocol (EPOCH) and 1st of 6 chemo days in the books.

I have felt blocked every time I've thought of posting these past weeks. The fatigue has been amazing. Thinking, reading, communicating has been really tough. I haven't been nauseous; what a glorious thing to be able to say. I get nauseas easily and it can wear me down quickly. The meds that help with that seem to give me muscle pain, however, especially in my shoulders which makes sleep a challenge. Then I got a UTI which warranted a trip to the ER. Unfortunately they didn't do a culture so they put me on an ineffective antibiotic. Once on the correct one, I thought we had it but it came roaring back and I am on another, stronger antibiotic again. All these meds effect the digestive tract which has brought discomforts too. 

I find myself wondering if I will get through all this western medical intervention and be able to build back my natural health again. I sometimes fantasize about going back to OHI again with it's wheat grass and raw food or True North with it's water fasting and organic vegan eating. I am reminded that my feet are on a path I need to finish. 4 more infusion days, 21 days apart are planned. It is hard to eat or drink what I don't feel like. I am trying to drink a lot of water as my twice weekly labs show when I don't. 

I am experiencing some neuropathy in my toes and fingers. I find it challenging to walk normally - my knees feel like they will buckle when I walk. I still have the urge to lie down when I've been up doing much of anything. I'm promised a few days of feeling pretty good, though, before the next chemo day Monday. 

I'm grateful for all the comforts but I'd be lying if I didn't admit this is one of the most psychologically and spiritually challenging things I've walked through. There are so many unknowns. And there are so many moments of overwhelm while feeling physically bad or experiencing discomfort that tears down the scaffolding I've tried to build of a positive attitude. 

I so appreciate the encouraging notes, gifts, meals, texts, hugs, and more. I have needed them! Thank you. 

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