2nd chemo and immunotherapy day of 6.

Today only took 3.5 hours in the IV chair. I'm feeling OK as long as I keep some food on the tummy - I just had some of my mom's recipe goulash my sister made for me while she visited. Perfect. The anti-nausea meds are pretty amazing these days - now that I take them properly. I suspect the next couple weeks will involve the pretty extreme fatigue. The last round I missed a direction to take Claritin or Zyrtec for 5 days after having a Neulasta injection, which is done through a patch-like thing, similar to a blood sugar monitor. I had terrible muscle/bone pain as a result. I won't make that mistake again. I had UTI's during the last round, which could be because it is harder for my body to fight off infection. The 3rd week was much better but I still needed to lay down sometimes. The doctor reduced the immunotherapy dosage today because I am already feeling some neuropathy in my fingers and toes. 

I went to check out wigs since my doctor warned me I should lose the last 1/3 of my hair this round. I found them...a little depressing. They are hot and tight. I have a little weird case of claustrophobia going on and they triggered it. I think I may stick with scarves and beanies. I have 2 weddings in September; I wanted to look as normal as possible but I don't think I'll be able to do the wig thing. I was surprised when my sister told me wigs are covered by health insurance but I just don't think I'd use the ones I've seen. 

As usual, it is easier for me to write in this blog when I feel I've come through something and I've resolved it. I have been struggling. I've had bouts of strong anxiety with that physical sensation that is so unsettling. I've prayed and battled the tendency to feel guilt for not being able to trust and rest. My brain doesn't work the way it once did and I get easily overwhelmed by things like tax records I needed to organize and get to our tax man right away. I find myself waking up at night, fretting about the possibilities for my loved ones. I pray but recently a news story really shook me. Where was God when those people died a terrible death? How can I rely on the prayers for protection for me and others I pray for when others don't have protection when they so desperately need it?  I've been around long enough and walked with Jesus long enough to know he is OK with my questioning. But it is more than unsettling to me. It propels me back into my Bible and some really thoughtful and timely gifts have helped - a lot. I feel much more like myself today, even after a night of restless sleep and anxious thoughts. 

I pray now that you are doing well day by day and experiencing God's highest blessings. 

Thank you for checking in. 

Added the next day: Boy how things can change. They gave me an anti-viral at the hospital that lasts 72 hours. I took Zophran on the way home because I wasn't feeling all that great. By the early evening, I was so miserable, but what I have to take is at bedtime because it knocks me out. I suspect I got a taste of people taking chemo from the past. If vomiting started, I would have to call the hospital. It was close but I made it til 8:30, took the night time stuff, and was ready for sweet sleep by 9:30. I'm doing OK this morning. I ate and am ready for a nap. I plan to take the breakthrough stuff today to prevent what happened yesterday morning. It's a full time job keeping these straight - but I can tell you it is worth it. Last evening was very very hard.