A strange new normal
Today was oncology day. No big deal, really, but the day I go to Memorial Hospital North on Briargate to check in with Dr. Mellott, the oncologist. I refuse to call her "my oncologist." I need to review things to know details of medications, clinical trials, updated information about this lymphoma and what's going on in the world of research and data. It inevitably makes me weepy and today it was like I was transported back 6 years to that vulnerable fearful place. I feel like I need to be smart and assertive while still relying on people who know things I don't. It hits something deep in me and wears me down quickly.
I think it's the fear of having to jump into CHOEP that scares me the most. For good or bad, I believe that would be the beginning of the end of my general health. Just about everything I have done makes me feel horrible, even though I am so grateful for the way the targetted medications have helped with symptoms like the swollen tonsils and other lymphnodes.
Prednisone has been such a miracle drug for me but I have so many of the bad side effects. I continue to gain weight. My BP is up as is my blood sugar. I think I have the hump at the base of neck forming. I have sleep problems. I'm more suseptible to infection, Cushing's syndrom with excessive cortisol, low calcium levels causing osteoporosis, high white blood cells, bleeding in the stomach or intestines, thin fragile skin (which I have for sure.) I've also got the puffy face.
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