Radiation Oncologist Consult

Hi There, 

It's been awhile. I continue to be blessed with pretty stable health. We've been traveling and eating and drinking lots of what we feel like....and we are ready to get back on the horse of better eating and planning. I had a urologist/gynecologist recently tell me "I believe diet can help prevent cancer, but I don't believe it can cure it." I told him he needs to meet a couple dozen people who have reversed their cancers without conventional treatment to become a believer. I instantly felt foolish, knowing that I haven't been doing all I can. At some point I let go of the reins and just started living, which sounds good. I often talk with God about how I can't do what I need to do so it is up to him to heal me. Then my thoughts often go into how I need to do my part...

Dr. Mellott suggested I meet with Dr. Tim Maxweiler, Radiation Oncologist in Denver, to discuss the option of using radiation to shrink the tumors in my throat I've complained about here before. It was very interesting to discuss with him that it is actually a ring that goes behind my tongue, around the tonsils, over the tongue. It is not just the tonsils that bother me that we'd be treating. He uses Photon Beam Therapy. Interesting to find out that UC Colorado does not use Proton therapy, which I asked about. He said it is more unproven and very expensive for the institutions to offer. I'd have to go to a big university or maybe the Mayo Clinic in Pheonix to get it. 

I could do very light radiation for just the areas that bother me but that would make using radiation to control the tumors in my neck more dangerous later. He'd probably suggest doing more aggressive radiation right at the start, treating both neck and tonsil areas at once. That would be 2 - 3 weeks of 10 - 15 sessions of 20 - 30 minutes each. I would be getting about 30 Gy of radiation total. He showed me a picture of the mask they make for you and I wanted to cry. I so hate when I get brain scans because of the way they pin your head down with a full face mask on. It takes absolutely all my concentration to not panic and to focus on Bible versus, happy places, etc...

Of course, I always think about kids all over the world having to deal with this stuff and remember how fortunate I am. 

This treatment could help me a lot...knock down the lymphoma and make swallowing, eating, sleeping, and taking supplements a lot easier. On the other hand, it could "kill off the weaker cells and ignite the stronger cancer cells" which was the first statement that really scared me. I have been so unusually fortunate at how stable this has been. 

Probable side effects would be temporary loss of taste and dry mouth that could persist. I could lose some hair near the site. This could help control the cancer longer...it could ignite it. 

Andy and I just talked and plan to get back to green smoothies for breakfast, big salads for lunch, and healthier food for dinner, limiting wine and beer. Lots of water. Daily exercise. A detox strategy daily (epsom salt/baking soda/clay bath, sauna, coffee enema). 

Emotionally I am working on a few things. I see a therapist weekly, am part of a group of 8 counselor/therapists/chaplains who meet weekly to process together, and we are reading Daring Greatly by Brune Brown. My therapist has encouraged me to start attending Al-Anon meetings, which I have. I did an intensive 12 step program years ago but didn't continue with meetings. I am reminded how powerful a process it is and how it can help us live better lives with tools to battle negative patterns. We still meet with long time friends weekly to process the BEMA Discipleship podcast we are loving (learning to think Hebrew as we work through the Bible). 

The mind/body connection is real - I am aware that unresolved traumas, unforgiveness, fatalistic thinking, and stress can weaken our bodies' ability to be well. I also want to make sure there aren't side benefits to being ill. I know the diagnosis gave me permission to stop doing things I had been doing that had me over-committed, for example. I have met people who appear to become so identified with their illness and ailments that you wonder if it hasn't become their norm. I don't want this to become my norm - but I don't want to live in denial either. It's a dance, for sure. 

I am so grateful to have made some milestones I so wanted to make...specifically hitting retirement age and working long enough for my district to retire with fantastic medical, dental, and eye insurance for both of us. 

I was worried that my life would feel anemic in Colorado, compared to my very full life in California. It doesn't. The days are full and fulfilling - I plan to start golf lessons soon, just formed a women's investment group, and Andy and I are considering becoming foster parents to older kids (we are praying hard about that one). I'm doing some decorating and we have a patio cover being built this weekend that will give us a lot more usable outdoor living space. Summer and fall plans for some trips and visitors are filling the calendar. We see our local kids and grandkids as much as we can. We miss those in San Diego dearly but love connecting when we can and love the lives they are all living. 

Essentially, it is confusing to be "so sick" and yet "so well." As with every cancer patient, I would love to deal with it and put it behind me. That doesn't seem to be the reality for most of us. I have serious trouble believing it has been 4+ years since that shocking day the ENT said I have lymphoma and the terrifying months after as the realities of this unfolded. I often wonder why I have been so blessed to have things be so stable. The hardest part is not accepting the statements made by doctors, remembering Who really is in control, and doing my part while trying to figure out what that really is. 

And...to remember to be about the business of really living. All the best!!!!