Days 1 and 2 of Water Fasting Behind Me
It's 2:13am and I'm awake so I thought I'd check in. Thanks again to you for reading this; we are all so bombarded with information competing for our attention that I feel very honored that you take time for this. I received the nicest text yesterday from a retired coworker and friend, reminding me that "many people who care about you and are here to support you in any way that helps." I've been so blessed with people all my life - in my big family and now families, my past, current work, my church, and friends I've met along the way. I often thank God for this fact and pray others will be so blessed.
One of my biggest "problems" in my life has been pointed out by Kiyomi. She's a corporate coach for an insurance company with many tools in her bag and one of them is a myriad of personality theories that help people see themselves more clearly and understand others too. She's pointed out to me that one of my strongest personality traits is "Responsibility." I'm a strong SJ on the Myers Briggs, for example. She uses Gallup's Strength Finders a lot in her work. I've also used Strength Quest with students and I'm a strong "2" on the Enneagram - The Helper. Kiyomi pointed out how people with responsibility as one of their strongest themes often feel responsible for much more than they should and can carry a heavy burden.
I've come to realize that I have longed most of my life to simplify and sometimes I have longed to be around less people because I take on a sense of responsibility for people's feelings and problems. I know I've actually hurt people because I've avoided contact. Years ago I was at a spiritual retreat where I realized my biggest "problem" was taking on responsibility for ... the world. I have spent many sessions with God, repenting of the pride in this and turning it back over the One who can handle that responsibility. It sounds ridiculous as I write it down but being aware of it allows me to see it and deal with it in a healthy way, much of the time.
I have often wondered why I avoid interactions with some people, even when they want a deeper friendship with me. People don't even necessarily have to be "needy" people for me to feel exhausted when I'm with them - feeling like I should be able to meet a need for them that I can't - more emotionally than anything. I think this is also why I feel so blessed by the career I fell into. I love helping students achieve but I learned a long time ago...they are the ones who have to do the work. I am here to listen, fully present in the moment, and I provide resources and information. Paradoxically, I was set free years ago when given "permission" by a speaker to take down the walls between my life/networks/resources and my professional life to help students who don't have those resources; but, when it comes down to it, the students either do the academic work or don't. This fact has worked for me - especially as I work with the "thoroughbreds" in STEM, as I call them. These students have made the decision to challenge themselves more than most. So, while they have the same socio economic and educational challenges as other students at SAC, they are often ready to run with the kind of support we can give them. It's been a great fit for me, much better than when I worked with students who weren't necessarily as driven or ready to do the work.
Anyhow, this is a key issue in my life I am looking at again while I am here. In fact, as I watched a dear friend defend his dissertation recently, I thought this could relate to research and discovery I'd like to do if I ever do something like a doctorate. "How do people who naturally care pull out the stops for low income students without exhaustion and emotional depletion." Who knows....
Of course, my mind comes right back to my current situation as I think about anything like that in the future.
The last couple days haven't been the most fun. After several days of being at True North eating very very clean, I started to water fast Friday morning so I'm over 2 days in. The first day, my body started to show the familiar signs of what the specialists tell me is T Cell Lymphoma. I had titrated down and stopped the Prednisone. I only take it for 9 days at a time - 30mg for 3 days, 20mg for 3 days, 10 mg for 3 days. My hands and wrists and ankles had been so thin and without pain while on the drug. They all started to swell again, the back of one knee made it hard to walk normally, and I developed a strange and sore small bump behind and below my right ear. The MD supervising my care here wonders if I'm fighting off an infection or if that is another lymph node. The swollen lymph nodes I've experienced from the lymphoma usually don't hurt like this one does. It woke me up Friday night with it throbbing and making me wonder what I would do if it got worse. It could derail the fast and I'm very far from home.
Anyhow, last night one of the naturopaths asked if I'd like to try a "hippie dippie" old remedy of putting iced towels on it, holding those on until my body had completely warmed the area. The idea is that the body rushes heat to the area to warm it up, causing fresh red blood cells and oxygen to flush it out and bring healing. I have to admit that it feels better 6 hours later, although the lump is still there with some sensitivity. Thankfully, the swelling around my body is much better tonight. Maybe the massage I had yesterday helped and maybe my body is already using the energy it would be using to digest food to deal with the inflammation that brings me so much discomfort. I was relieved I didn't get the chills and I'm relieved it's improving without Prednisone, which I can't take when I'm not eating.
Day 2 was a very hungry day, reminding me of how privileged I am. Our time working along side hungry people in Africa has made me very aware that not everyone can reach for food whenever they want, as I am very used to. It is so much easier to fast here with an empty refrigerator and pantry. There is a kitchen I could go to where there is salad and fruit always available but I just avoid that. And there is a specialty market right next door with all the normal stuff and lots of yummy looking pre made foods that could temp me. But there are so many less triggers here than at home. It's just interesting how many times I'll feel a hunger pang and subconsciously and instantaneously think I can reach for food, only to remember that I have chosen not to ... for now.
Watched a pretty good Ted Talk by Dr. Gregor who they highly respect her on the scientific suppport for why a Plant Based Diet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8hgfXmZSHE
One of my biggest "problems" in my life has been pointed out by Kiyomi. She's a corporate coach for an insurance company with many tools in her bag and one of them is a myriad of personality theories that help people see themselves more clearly and understand others too. She's pointed out to me that one of my strongest personality traits is "Responsibility." I'm a strong SJ on the Myers Briggs, for example. She uses Gallup's Strength Finders a lot in her work. I've also used Strength Quest with students and I'm a strong "2" on the Enneagram - The Helper. Kiyomi pointed out how people with responsibility as one of their strongest themes often feel responsible for much more than they should and can carry a heavy burden.
I've come to realize that I have longed most of my life to simplify and sometimes I have longed to be around less people because I take on a sense of responsibility for people's feelings and problems. I know I've actually hurt people because I've avoided contact. Years ago I was at a spiritual retreat where I realized my biggest "problem" was taking on responsibility for ... the world. I have spent many sessions with God, repenting of the pride in this and turning it back over the One who can handle that responsibility. It sounds ridiculous as I write it down but being aware of it allows me to see it and deal with it in a healthy way, much of the time.
I have often wondered why I avoid interactions with some people, even when they want a deeper friendship with me. People don't even necessarily have to be "needy" people for me to feel exhausted when I'm with them - feeling like I should be able to meet a need for them that I can't - more emotionally than anything. I think this is also why I feel so blessed by the career I fell into. I love helping students achieve but I learned a long time ago...they are the ones who have to do the work. I am here to listen, fully present in the moment, and I provide resources and information. Paradoxically, I was set free years ago when given "permission" by a speaker to take down the walls between my life/networks/resources and my professional life to help students who don't have those resources; but, when it comes down to it, the students either do the academic work or don't. This fact has worked for me - especially as I work with the "thoroughbreds" in STEM, as I call them. These students have made the decision to challenge themselves more than most. So, while they have the same socio economic and educational challenges as other students at SAC, they are often ready to run with the kind of support we can give them. It's been a great fit for me, much better than when I worked with students who weren't necessarily as driven or ready to do the work.
Anyhow, this is a key issue in my life I am looking at again while I am here. In fact, as I watched a dear friend defend his dissertation recently, I thought this could relate to research and discovery I'd like to do if I ever do something like a doctorate. "How do people who naturally care pull out the stops for low income students without exhaustion and emotional depletion." Who knows....
Of course, my mind comes right back to my current situation as I think about anything like that in the future.
The last couple days haven't been the most fun. After several days of being at True North eating very very clean, I started to water fast Friday morning so I'm over 2 days in. The first day, my body started to show the familiar signs of what the specialists tell me is T Cell Lymphoma. I had titrated down and stopped the Prednisone. I only take it for 9 days at a time - 30mg for 3 days, 20mg for 3 days, 10 mg for 3 days. My hands and wrists and ankles had been so thin and without pain while on the drug. They all started to swell again, the back of one knee made it hard to walk normally, and I developed a strange and sore small bump behind and below my right ear. The MD supervising my care here wonders if I'm fighting off an infection or if that is another lymph node. The swollen lymph nodes I've experienced from the lymphoma usually don't hurt like this one does. It woke me up Friday night with it throbbing and making me wonder what I would do if it got worse. It could derail the fast and I'm very far from home.
Anyhow, last night one of the naturopaths asked if I'd like to try a "hippie dippie" old remedy of putting iced towels on it, holding those on until my body had completely warmed the area. The idea is that the body rushes heat to the area to warm it up, causing fresh red blood cells and oxygen to flush it out and bring healing. I have to admit that it feels better 6 hours later, although the lump is still there with some sensitivity. Thankfully, the swelling around my body is much better tonight. Maybe the massage I had yesterday helped and maybe my body is already using the energy it would be using to digest food to deal with the inflammation that brings me so much discomfort. I was relieved I didn't get the chills and I'm relieved it's improving without Prednisone, which I can't take when I'm not eating.
Day 2 was a very hungry day, reminding me of how privileged I am. Our time working along side hungry people in Africa has made me very aware that not everyone can reach for food whenever they want, as I am very used to. It is so much easier to fast here with an empty refrigerator and pantry. There is a kitchen I could go to where there is salad and fruit always available but I just avoid that. And there is a specialty market right next door with all the normal stuff and lots of yummy looking pre made foods that could temp me. But there are so many less triggers here than at home. It's just interesting how many times I'll feel a hunger pang and subconsciously and instantaneously think I can reach for food, only to remember that I have chosen not to ... for now.
Watched a pretty good Ted Talk by Dr. Gregor who they highly respect her on the scientific suppport for why a Plant Based Diet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8hgfXmZSHE
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