A couple hard days

Hey. 

It's been a tough couple days. I've been able to work for several hours remotely but then the pain I've been having just puts me down. They tell me that as the glycogen leaves your muscles, it takes water with it. Your muscles and nerves don't like that so some people get deep muscle pain. I've had it mostly in the back of my legs, kidney area, and hips. It's pretty miserable. I also have a chronic pain between my shoulder blades that I'm convinced is my posture, lack of muscle tone, and looking at a computer screen and phone too much. I'm working on that but it's been worse than normal. 

They have a broth that can help so I've been sipping on it a couple times a day. They essentially just boil their veggie scraps in water, strain it, and there you have it. It tastes and looks pretty yucky but it is comforting to drink something warm and to have some taste besides water water water. They say it has electrolytes in it; I got so dehydrated last time that I like the idea of preventing that if possible. It has no calories so it doesn't affect the fast or take us out of ketosis.

I've lost over 10 lbs in 9 days. I know most of that will come back when I start eating again. I came weighing more than I have in a few years (I gained 30 lbs since I left in Jan.) so I am not worried about weight loss like last time. 

For my entire life I have blamed any ailment on the food I eat. And...there is a pervasive underlying self condemnation that comes with that. When I left here last time, I broke the fast terribly. I was desperate for flavor, spice, and FOOD! I then had so much swelling where I've described before after eating just about anything that I thought all food triggered the problems-so I might as well eat everything! Then I thought it may be night shades (tomatos (I LOVE salsa, quacamole with tomatos, and marinara), potatoes, chile peppers (I LOVE Cholula), eggplant, and bell peppers, which we always put in our salads. One of our sons has thought he had the same problem. Of course, the problem couldn't be wine... The doctor here showed me how alcohol turns into formaldehyde in the body, which is a known cancer causer. I knew some of the other negatives; I didn't know that one. I find myself picturing science class in school, dissecting frogs with that terrible smell! 

When I got here, I ate their food for 5-6 days. It is essentially an extensive salad bar with the normal stuff but also sprouts which I've come to highly respect for the nutritional value. I sprout them at home - it's so easy! They have salad dressings with no salt, oil, or sugar which can be OK but can also be not-so-OK. There are 4 hot dishes. In the morning it is oatmeal plain or flavored with apple juice, greens (cooked greens in the morning - yuk!), and once in awhile they make this french toast completely out of oatmeal with an apple cinnamon sauce on top. The other day they had a warm quinoa thing that was too sweet for me, with warm banana slices in it. For lunch and dinner there is always a rice, beans, lentils, rarely pasta dish. Their mashes are good but can come to taste all the same. There is always a steamed veggie dish like collard greens, broccolini... and often a soup. There are raw nuts, seeds, coconut, cinnamon, vinegar, and tons of whole and cut fresh fruit. always available. I love having fresh fruit all cut up and would use it for a dessert. My mouth is watering thinking of that. 

My favorite thing when I got here, besides the fruit, was a cold tomato, cucumber, red onion, parsley or cilantro, vinegar salad that was amazing. The tomatoes were huge, multicolored yummy things. I didn't miss the salt at all. 

This brings me back to the night shade question - I did not swell up when eating the tomatoes and bell peppers for the 5-6 days I was eating here. I was titrating off of the Prednisone, but it still didn't seem like they effected me. I will try them again after the fast, while being careful to try things slowly so I can hopefully see if any foods trigger or worsten the problems. 

On the other hand...I have been surprised at how I have been swelling during the fast. Day 2 and 4 shocked me. Day 4 I was so miserable with the swelling, pain, chills, and feeling like I had the flu. I prayed for sleep and God answered that prayer with 8 solid hours that night. Thank you, Lord! I can feel flu-ish when the swelling comes but it could also be a herx effect from detoxing. 

So...back to blaming myself for any physical problem when I don't eat perfectly. If I am swelling while fasting, and this continues, it will be good news and bad news. The good news is I don't have to beat myself up for it at home. The bad news is that it could send me the message that I don't have to be as disciplined. And...it is a a very real reminder that I have this lymphoma. These symptoms are what prompted me to try the conventional targeted chemo drug with all that goes along with it. 

I can't take Prednisone here or I have to stop fasting. I am encouraged that the swelling sort of comes and goes, but my hands never really go down to normal, my knees feel swollen in the back, and sometimes I can see and feel pads around my ankles. When I got here, the Prednisone had everything looking like when I am thin. The swelling on top of my hands/writst never really goes away any more though. It's kinda creepy looking and I've seen people do a double-take. I'm encouraged that it comes and goes; if it stayed bad all the time, I'd have to break the fast and start back on the Prednisone. 

Kiyomi is doing well. She's 1/2 way through her 21 days. It's so good to have her here and she has said that it's so important we are together too. We inspire each other and can talk through it all. We are both working, which is working out great. Our hubbies may come the last week to learn all about this. We will see. 

Take good care!!!