It's a troubling time in the world
I hate when I can't sleep although I sometimes love how much reading and thinking and praying I get done. It's just that I usually lose the morning to a nap, although I am so grateful that I don't have to go to work right now as I've done for years after a night up.
Treatments have had me feeling yucky (fluish, headache, general malaise) and I sometimes wake up with the feeling that I have food stuck in my esophagus at night. It can be pretty bad but the meds they gave me worry me, so I'm using natural remedies at home. When I actually take the chemo, I am taking an IV protein pump inhibitor that can bring on lupus and stomach fibroids, among other things, but is helping tremendously with pain I was having in my spleen/pancreas areas. I feel like taking it is making the treatments bearable, but it still worries me.
My mind is consumed by the state of our world right now. I am a person who has benefited by taking the middle road all of my life. I am a middle child, a peacemaker, a chicken. I don't like sticking my neck out.
I tend to see both sides of arguments which makes it difficult to take a hard stand. And...I am in a state of deep distrust of the information that is available online and via the TV. I read books but they have biases and 1/2 truths - it's as if anyone can make a viable argument for anything and little-ole-me is left to try to figure it out. And...anyone can say anything they want to discredit another person too - so it is impossible to know what to believe. I use credible sources like PubMed for science stuff, but there is just so much - and, it all seems to conflict.
I know I have lost a dear friend, a mentor, lately because I won't take a stand against all things conservative and, especially, Trump and the last administration. I can't have a conversation with a few other friends without them challenging me on this - constantly. I can see in their eyes that they think I'm as bad as the complacent Germans in Nazi Germany. I can easily say that Trump is crass, vile, and down right embarrassing. I also hear the other side of what he appears to be about. Those of the conservative bent believe he is trying to save a free America from forces trying to take it down.
I don't have the respect of many others I love because I can't slam the liberals. I know the hearts of many people who believe that we are completely on the wrong track as a nation if we think that things like social injustice don't exist, just because it doesn't effect "us". And, I agree. What I don't agree with is that they believe the conservative side is only about preserving the status quo and their wealth. I see people who have worked hard to build a country who now feel blamed for everything and have no idea how to move forward. This does NOT include the nut jobs we see in the media. I'm talking about the rational masses.
I know, I know...major failure in describing all of this...but I'm tired right now.
And then there are the issues around faith in science right now. Gosh I hate this. I really do love science and have tremendous respect for the scientific method. But I've seen it perverted for political and financial gain with my own eyes. I've seen non-toxic treatments the are working on patients, only to be taken off the market by the FDA to be replaced by only those in the system run by a corrupt industry. I know doctors who are scared to tell you what they know. There is a very good reason why I've been to Mexico and others I know and love leave our country for treatment. I know people so damaged by the medical status-quo, only go on to wellness when they take the bull by the horn themselves and completely throw out "standard of care." Just talk with a compounding pharmacist about the dwindling ingredients they can use - things with hundreds of years of efficacy and safety behind them - that are systematically being taken away.
I make no bones about being against mandatory medical procedures, including mandatory vaccines. I care about others; I wear a mask in public right now - not only to protect me as a cancer patient, but to make others feel more comfortable and safe. If our government and scientists showed good double blind studies comparing vaccinated and unvaccinated people, the results of combining all the dozens vaccines that we are supposed to take now as part of the CDC schedule, and they opened an honest dialog about vaccine injuries, more people would trust what is going on. But things are out of control and the opposing sides refuse to talk; there is too much money at stake anymore with no real oversight.
I've had one doctor after (and others) throw the word "science"at me when it comes to how I've dealt with my diagnosis. I'm now being congratulated by research experts for trusting what I was learning that others would call quackery. It turns out the corner on science doesn't belong to just some - but all who will question. And the science is settled on a very few things; we must keep questioning and we must keep the dialog open.
I am thanking God that He is bigger than all of this. He knows the outcome (personally and globally) and will strengthen those who seek him, no matter what is coming. I also feel the need to be ready to stand when it may get hard for this middle-of-the-road-er. But, there are times when I'm scared and confused and discouraged. The battle for my mind is real; time to do some reading and praying.
I pray you are sleeping soundly and at peace.
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippines 4:13.
Treatments have had me feeling yucky (fluish, headache, general malaise) and I sometimes wake up with the feeling that I have food stuck in my esophagus at night. It can be pretty bad but the meds they gave me worry me, so I'm using natural remedies at home. When I actually take the chemo, I am taking an IV protein pump inhibitor that can bring on lupus and stomach fibroids, among other things, but is helping tremendously with pain I was having in my spleen/pancreas areas. I feel like taking it is making the treatments bearable, but it still worries me.
My mind is consumed by the state of our world right now. I am a person who has benefited by taking the middle road all of my life. I am a middle child, a peacemaker, a chicken. I don't like sticking my neck out.
I tend to see both sides of arguments which makes it difficult to take a hard stand. And...I am in a state of deep distrust of the information that is available online and via the TV. I read books but they have biases and 1/2 truths - it's as if anyone can make a viable argument for anything and little-ole-me is left to try to figure it out. And...anyone can say anything they want to discredit another person too - so it is impossible to know what to believe. I use credible sources like PubMed for science stuff, but there is just so much - and, it all seems to conflict.
I know I have lost a dear friend, a mentor, lately because I won't take a stand against all things conservative and, especially, Trump and the last administration. I can't have a conversation with a few other friends without them challenging me on this - constantly. I can see in their eyes that they think I'm as bad as the complacent Germans in Nazi Germany. I can easily say that Trump is crass, vile, and down right embarrassing. I also hear the other side of what he appears to be about. Those of the conservative bent believe he is trying to save a free America from forces trying to take it down.
I don't have the respect of many others I love because I can't slam the liberals. I know the hearts of many people who believe that we are completely on the wrong track as a nation if we think that things like social injustice don't exist, just because it doesn't effect "us". And, I agree. What I don't agree with is that they believe the conservative side is only about preserving the status quo and their wealth. I see people who have worked hard to build a country who now feel blamed for everything and have no idea how to move forward. This does NOT include the nut jobs we see in the media. I'm talking about the rational masses.
I know, I know...major failure in describing all of this...but I'm tired right now.
And then there are the issues around faith in science right now. Gosh I hate this. I really do love science and have tremendous respect for the scientific method. But I've seen it perverted for political and financial gain with my own eyes. I've seen non-toxic treatments the are working on patients, only to be taken off the market by the FDA to be replaced by only those in the system run by a corrupt industry. I know doctors who are scared to tell you what they know. There is a very good reason why I've been to Mexico and others I know and love leave our country for treatment. I know people so damaged by the medical status-quo, only go on to wellness when they take the bull by the horn themselves and completely throw out "standard of care." Just talk with a compounding pharmacist about the dwindling ingredients they can use - things with hundreds of years of efficacy and safety behind them - that are systematically being taken away.
I make no bones about being against mandatory medical procedures, including mandatory vaccines. I care about others; I wear a mask in public right now - not only to protect me as a cancer patient, but to make others feel more comfortable and safe. If our government and scientists showed good double blind studies comparing vaccinated and unvaccinated people, the results of combining all the dozens vaccines that we are supposed to take now as part of the CDC schedule, and they opened an honest dialog about vaccine injuries, more people would trust what is going on. But things are out of control and the opposing sides refuse to talk; there is too much money at stake anymore with no real oversight.
I've had one doctor after (and others) throw the word "science"at me when it comes to how I've dealt with my diagnosis. I'm now being congratulated by research experts for trusting what I was learning that others would call quackery. It turns out the corner on science doesn't belong to just some - but all who will question. And the science is settled on a very few things; we must keep questioning and we must keep the dialog open.
I am thanking God that He is bigger than all of this. He knows the outcome (personally and globally) and will strengthen those who seek him, no matter what is coming. I also feel the need to be ready to stand when it may get hard for this middle-of-the-road-er. But, there are times when I'm scared and confused and discouraged. The battle for my mind is real; time to do some reading and praying.
I pray you are sleeping soundly and at peace.
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippines 4:13.
"My mind is consumed by the state of our world right now." With you, my friend. I'm also secretly hoping that this is part of God's plan for humanity during this time. Tossing all those earthly anchors and "truths" that we cling to for our physical, social, economic, emotional, ideological safety into chaos, so we can re-evaluate / re-center on what is most important for ALL of humanity. Sadly, I don't see this occurring.....humanity continues to cling to things of this world, not His world.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your updates, late night thoughts, and being 'in process' of becoming the very best you. Virtual hug!
Here's a 'poem' I read long ago and still sticks with me today:
When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.
I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.
When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.
Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.
Author: Unknown Monk 1100 A.D.