The Tiger in the Corner

The Tiger in the Corner

One of the doctors I see at the Cancer Center for Healing in Irvine (Von Schaefer) describes my situation like having a Tiger in the Corner. You can’t take your eyes off of it; it needs constant attention. She claims it is all about diet and mental state for lymphomas and leukemias. 

This analogy is helping me conceptualize where I’m at right now.

I struggle to justify what it seems to take for me to keep this tiger tamed and quietly sitting in the corner. As I’ve explained before, this lymphoma is supposed to be a “wild fire cancer.” It isn’t behaving as such in my case – hopefully all I am doing for it, and all the prayer on my behalf, is why.

I have just completed 2 months of working full-time, traveling for work and family, living with dear friends, and essentially hoping the tiger was tamed sufficiently enough that I could do all I have been doing without it pouncing. I haven’t kept up on much of the regimen I’ve learned since diagnosis-except for supplements, herbs, and low dose naltrexone. 

As I write this, I am on my way to Colorado where I will meet with two new doctors; one is a conventional T-cell Lymphoma expert oncologist hematologist for the state of Colorado (Haverkos). The ND I see (West) wants me to have someone like him to help monitor me and also to keep an eye out for new treatments that could help me get this into remission.

I just read an article that posed the idea that I have become familiar with: sometimes treating cancers like a manageable disease, rather than seeking at all costs to eradicate it, can be a better way to go. When I think about the people with AITL that I follow on facebook who go through the traditional hell to try to kill the cancer by poisoning the host, only to usually have it relapse after the trauma of a bone marrow transplant…I tend to think there is something to this idea of disease management rather than eradication. But…I so yearn to have this behind me…

Anyhow, I have dreaded going to see the oncologist/t-cell lymphoma specialist because he is a clinical researcher. When I look at his research, it is essentially the same ole’ thing…CHOEP chemo therapy (the initials stand for the 5 different chemo drugs) and then add 1 more to see what happens. They all have their serious side effects. They admit it doesn’t work for AITL, – yet they urge you to jump into it as the only option. Ugh.

An interesting thing happened though, which has given me some peace. I have avoided commenting on the AITL facebook group; the last think I want to do is create doubt for others going through treatment or hurt someone in the midst of fighting for their life. A post recently made me break my rule when a woman posted that her husband has exhausted every option. I suggested they read The Metabolic Approach to Cancer and Radical Remission. I added that there are options. I was instantly private messaged by two women, asking what I am doing. I froze – selfishly. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else right now, to be honest. I feel like I am figuring new stuff out weekly and I don’t feel like I have answers for others. And, I have spent a lifetime as a classic co-dependent. People needing me right now scares me to death.

Anyhow, one of the women turns out to live in Denver and has gone to the doctor I will be seeing in two days (Dr. Havakos). She reassured me that she and her husband were impressed by his willingness to listen to them and his flexibility. She didn’t want to do the bone marrow transplant and he admitted it’s a shot-in-the-dark for her, so she didn’t do it. She felt it was a blessing. I read recently that 1 in 5 people actually die from that treatment alone.

Anyhow, the two women are actually aware of much of the alternatives already. The other woman is in Australia and her husband is doing Mistletoe and high dose Vitamin C like I am. It turned out to be very cool to be in touch with them.

The other doctor I will see Wednesday (McCowen) is the MD that works with my ND (West). I am required to see her so she can monitor the Low Dose Naltrexone I take for the cancer and my thyroid which I had ablated with radiation several years ago for out-of-control goiters (which I would not treat the same way today).

So, back to the Tiger in the Corner – I have put him on hold to work for the two months that I consider most important for me to be at work – to get reports done, go to Sacramento to meet with other MESA directors and our grant project monitor, get about 50 new students oriented to our program and make sure they are off to a good start, connect with my continuing and former students who need letters of recommendation and such, teach an educational planning class for STEM majors, fulfill some counseling responsibilities to my division, help set up STEM week, and try to feel like less of a flake…

But now, I turn back toward the tiger to see what tune-ups it needs to it’s training.

Another conceptualization that has helped me in terms of healing cancer naturally, is to get “all the vectors going in the same direction.” This has been a huge challenge for me.

Everyone agrees diet is paramount, in addition to all the other healing protocols. I was doing great on the very restrictive AIP elimination diet for about a month when I fell off the wagon – hard. I’ve had trouble getting back on. My son is doing something similar but that actually makes more sense to me in my reading, The Plant Paradox. I’ve been listening to the book on tape during this drive and think I will do this. It is still restrictive but takes out some foods I seem to be reacting to (arthritis type symptoms, stuffy nose) and adds back foods I have trouble living without like some nuts and eggs. It is essentially no grains, legumes, beans. Moderate very clean proteins, with the acknowledgement that, even if some dairy and red meats are tolerated, they are strongling linked to cancer development so I should avoid or limit them. The biggest damaging culprit are lectins which damage our bodies in many ways, essentially making our bodies live in a state of battle.

This makes so much sense to me in my own experience. Twice now, when I have been on very strict diets for an extended period of time, I subsequently ate foods I had been avoiding, only to have huge reactions with swollen and painful joints; I’ve been walking funny for two weeks because the back of one of my knees is so swollen. I realize now that, when I was consistently eating these foods, my body was making little beneficial predators to take care of the resulting harmful substances. When I stopped eating them, my body stopped making the fighters so, when I ate them again, my body couldn’t cope. It explains why it seems when you discontinue something like dairy or gluten, which I have for years, eating them causes such big reactions later. They were bad all the time, but the body was always warring against them before. It’s so much like we see in nature. When the food supply dries up, the predators decrease. When the food supply rebounds because the predators are less, the predators naturally rebound too, in time.

The Plant Paradox is a fascinating book that explains a lot. As I listen to him, I am struck by how many times we humans think we have something all figured out – in the bag – only to find out a few years later that our theories were completely mistaken. I had a professor describe our theories in science and otherwise as “useful fictions” until we know more or better. Some of how he explains things conflicts with my biblical faith. It’s OK, God is wildly patient with us as we run around feeling all smart. I know He’s not threatened, so I don’t need to be either. I can take what works for me and leave the rest.

In the meantime, it’s back on track with all the protocols that are proven to reduce stresses on the body like all the detox methods, time to focus on foods that feed my body without stressing it, continue the supplements and herbs and LDN, hear the opinions of a couple more professionals, get better at meditating and journaling and figuring out why foods that are bad for me are my happy place. I need to see my granddaughters that I haven’t seen in over two months and their amazing parents that I’ve missed so much.

I have a dream-come-true to look forward to – all our kids and grandkids will be together for 1- 2 days Thanksgiving weekend – at our home in Colorado. We’ve dreamt about this for years!

I pray you have fun things you’re looking forward to as well. Thanks for reading, for the prayers, for the love!