Romans 5:4
I was reminded of this favorite verse this week when I looked for a brick I bought that was engraved and placed on campus as part of a fundraiser. I completely forgot what I had put on it. I wrote my name, Romans 5:4, With Love.
It has been important to me personally, and has also been the verse I have used to lead me as an educator. To paraphrase, it says that perseverance is what creates character in us and that character is what gives us hope. (Later it goes on to assert that the resulting hope in God does not disappoint). As a person who has struggled with depression much of my life, this verse has been an important glimpse into how God sees the growth of hope - it comes from perseverance and character. I don't often share with students that it is a Bible verse, but I have the discussion with them often when they feel down; that they will see the light as they keep trying and don't give up. They will continue to develop into the person they want to be. It's infallible wisdom we can count on.
Not really related but...
A fellow faculty member - one of those people I like a lot but know I won't be in touch with after we are no longer working together, touched me deeply this week. He said his heart leapt when he saw me back. He wanted to deliberately tell me how much I meant to him. I was so deeply touched that I walked away tearing up. I don't exactly know why, but the next few moments made me keenly aware of a dynamic I have battled with all of my life: I feel deep guilt and shame when I am blessed when so many others are not. Why do I have so many people who care about me when there is a world full of lonely people?
What was interesting to me in that moment was that I realized (again) that I am not trusting the God of the universe. I don't understand something so I down deep think He's either making mistakes or He isn't really in play. I don't really understand how He is at work most of the time, but the Bible is clear on that too....his ways are not our ways; we won't understand but we are called to trust. It was a moment where my heart repented deeply for my lack of faith and pride in thinking I know what's best and then it was replaced after a time by gratitude for how God forgives me constantly for my prideful way of questioning him deep down. I had to sit down and just be loved by my father for a few minutes before I could go on with the day.
That leads me to this morning's Palm Sunday message at church. As the Israelites mistakenly expected the Messiah to be a king who came in and militarily overthrew the oppressive Romans, we have expectations too that can lead us to bitterness and disappointment. Very personally, I expect that (possibly even at a healing service we will be attending tomorrow night by a famous Christian I would normally avoid). I need to watch what I expect so I don't end up angry and disillusioned like the Jews did leading up to the crucifixion. Does God answer prayers, absolutely. Can I see the big picture in this whole situation, absolutely not. I need to accept God's answers as the very best wisdom for all.
Can I trust God through Jesus Christ, yes. I can and I choose to. Today a new peace came over me - one I crave to nurture as anxiety has been creeping in. God knows what the big and the small issues of this world are all about and, in truth, He is really the only One powerful enough to unravel it all. He knows the outcome of my life and he knows the exact moment I will take my last breath. He has proven over and over another favorite verse, Romans 8:28, stating He will use ALL for our good. He has given me multitudes of people who care about me and many I believe are faithfully praying for me. What do I need to worry about? Absolutely nothing.
What I am also seeing is that I may block healing if I continue to think I am not worthy of it since everyone doesn't get that outcome. I need to trust more - that God really does know what He's doing. If He heals me (and it has come very clear that it will have to be him that does it), I trust He will use it for the good of others as well - as He sees fit. I may even need to accept that He may be further blessing me. I can have peace and I can enjoy my blessings and trust him to be right here with me during the trials. I am safe and don't need to let those "what if" questions creep in and steal my peace. Peace to you too and Happy Easter! He is risen. He is risen, indeed.
It has been important to me personally, and has also been the verse I have used to lead me as an educator. To paraphrase, it says that perseverance is what creates character in us and that character is what gives us hope. (Later it goes on to assert that the resulting hope in God does not disappoint). As a person who has struggled with depression much of my life, this verse has been an important glimpse into how God sees the growth of hope - it comes from perseverance and character. I don't often share with students that it is a Bible verse, but I have the discussion with them often when they feel down; that they will see the light as they keep trying and don't give up. They will continue to develop into the person they want to be. It's infallible wisdom we can count on.
Not really related but...
A fellow faculty member - one of those people I like a lot but know I won't be in touch with after we are no longer working together, touched me deeply this week. He said his heart leapt when he saw me back. He wanted to deliberately tell me how much I meant to him. I was so deeply touched that I walked away tearing up. I don't exactly know why, but the next few moments made me keenly aware of a dynamic I have battled with all of my life: I feel deep guilt and shame when I am blessed when so many others are not. Why do I have so many people who care about me when there is a world full of lonely people?
What was interesting to me in that moment was that I realized (again) that I am not trusting the God of the universe. I don't understand something so I down deep think He's either making mistakes or He isn't really in play. I don't really understand how He is at work most of the time, but the Bible is clear on that too....his ways are not our ways; we won't understand but we are called to trust. It was a moment where my heart repented deeply for my lack of faith and pride in thinking I know what's best and then it was replaced after a time by gratitude for how God forgives me constantly for my prideful way of questioning him deep down. I had to sit down and just be loved by my father for a few minutes before I could go on with the day.
That leads me to this morning's Palm Sunday message at church. As the Israelites mistakenly expected the Messiah to be a king who came in and militarily overthrew the oppressive Romans, we have expectations too that can lead us to bitterness and disappointment. Very personally, I expect that (possibly even at a healing service we will be attending tomorrow night by a famous Christian I would normally avoid). I need to watch what I expect so I don't end up angry and disillusioned like the Jews did leading up to the crucifixion. Does God answer prayers, absolutely. Can I see the big picture in this whole situation, absolutely not. I need to accept God's answers as the very best wisdom for all.
Can I trust God through Jesus Christ, yes. I can and I choose to. Today a new peace came over me - one I crave to nurture as anxiety has been creeping in. God knows what the big and the small issues of this world are all about and, in truth, He is really the only One powerful enough to unravel it all. He knows the outcome of my life and he knows the exact moment I will take my last breath. He has proven over and over another favorite verse, Romans 8:28, stating He will use ALL for our good. He has given me multitudes of people who care about me and many I believe are faithfully praying for me. What do I need to worry about? Absolutely nothing.
What I am also seeing is that I may block healing if I continue to think I am not worthy of it since everyone doesn't get that outcome. I need to trust more - that God really does know what He's doing. If He heals me (and it has come very clear that it will have to be him that does it), I trust He will use it for the good of others as well - as He sees fit. I may even need to accept that He may be further blessing me. I can have peace and I can enjoy my blessings and trust him to be right here with me during the trials. I am safe and don't need to let those "what if" questions creep in and steal my peace. Peace to you too and Happy Easter! He is risen. He is risen, indeed.
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