Days 2 - 4 at OHI

1/8 – 1/10/18

This is really an interesting place. People from every single walk of life are here; I think that is true because it is so reasonably priced yet completely unique. I hit a wall a couple of months back and just cannot spend money on exorbitantly priced treatments; I feel like people are preying on cancer patients’ desperation. It was like a switch flipped in my head and I knew I needed to take full responsibility for my healing, which does not entail sitting in a lounge chair taking in overpriced IVs as well as other treatments that may or may not work. I am implementing other options but they are challenging: Cannabis (I make my own suppositories), Hoxsey tonic from Mexico, coming to this place to learn raw vegan eating, working with an herbalist, enemas and saunas and baths for detox, tons of supplements, extensive psychotherapy of different types, learning to meditate and control my thoughts, spending ample time with God and in his Word… These are all things I can do and I can also help others do. And there are ample stories of people who have healed through these modalities.

The reality for me today, though, is that nothing we are taking in tastes good. The vegies and juice are so bland and flat. They don’t use any salt or vinegar or oils here. I suppose the way I feel is because I am so accustomed to these things. There is an interesting connection between tastes and emotions. I’ve been accused of doing a happy dance in my seat when I eat food I love. Dinner parties with loved ones is my favorite thing, actually. So, what do you do when you don't look forward to your next meal? Or for months of upcoming meals? 

Down deep I am not happy about having to go this route. Raw vegan is contrary to what I love – flavorful soups, slow cooked tender meats, baked goods like gluten free zucchini walnut muffins, gluten free warm breads, and a nice glass of wine with dinner. Of course, there are many vegan options in these categories but they are not necessarily healthy options. To heal from cancer, my path is leading me to a very simple diet of mainly green vegies and sprouts. Could God be taking away vices that I use to fill up my soul, when He wants to do that? He is a jealous God, after all.

Throughout this journey, I have held onto the belief that God is in control and that I must have been headed in a direction that would have hurt me and my relationship with him, explaining the need for such a diagnosis. Each time I try to default to my norm, like going back to work and centering my life on it the way that feels good to me, new realities about this lymphoma divert me back to the place where I am looking and learning, listening and following, and having absolutely nothing but God himself to hold onto. There are no clear answers or pathways at this point; I am just following day by day.

However, I hear story after story of people clearing their bodies of disease with raw vegan living for a period of time. I need to remember this because I am fighting the idea that I will need to eat perfectly like this for the rest of my life. I am hoping this is for a healing season and then I can find a way to eat that doesn’t feel quite so restrictive, but that also maintains my healing.

I also am living in a world with a lot of cancer and hear lots of stories of people who don’t make it. I love something a man told me today. When people would refer to his wife as “terminal,” she’d correct them and exclaim that she was “eternal.” I’m reminded that sometimes healing is in heaven, as it was for her after a three-year process of trying many of the same things I am trying.  I am learning more and more to trust and keep my eyes on Christ, not a disease or situation. It is the only way to peace. He’s got me; I am safe.

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me new things that are not only healing me, but that will heal others as I share. Thank you for your patience and mercy with me through this -  and always. As the world seems to be barreling toward hopelessness, let me be a carrier of your hope. And show me and the rest of us how to be about you while bringing hope and healing, physically and spiritually. Love you!