What a ride. 5/16/17
By the end of the day yesterday, I was tied up in knots. IV Vitamin C, PEMF, and LBG (all alternative therapies for cancer). I went in for EVOX, a type of psychotherapy. We were supposed to work on a previously determined topic. I started to cry and asked if she could help me since I could not make the decision to go forward with chemo and the stem cell transcript or to go rogue and take the responsibility of this in the faith that alternative options would take care of me.
I felt defeated if I took the chemo route - but all the experts are telling me I need it (including one of the world's best alternative doctors). But so many people I respect and people I know who have been through chemo - either themselves or with someone they love, that absolutely would NOT do chemo if they had the chance to do it all again. The idea is that, with the poor prognosis of this type of cancer, I could live healthy and happy like I feel now, rather than spend precious time being, and dealing with the repercussions of being, poisoned.
On the other hand...I can't find even one instance of a person curing their Angioimmunoblastic T-cell Lymphoma without chemo. I did find a researcher at Yale I now have a referral for - that I am hoping to speak with to find out if there are any other options I don't know about.
I was frozen and sick of thinking about it and felt hopeless.
The therapist helped me tremendously. It is an involved process. One thing she said really resinated and gave me new hope, "We are going to trust that your body is going to show you what to do." I prayed for and hoped that somehow my body would give me more time to let all this extraordinary wellness regime work.
The doctor seemed OK with our questions and our sharing about some of the things we are doing. We asked about the chemo drugs the RGCC lab says work best with my biochemistry. He explained that "we hurt people with chemo, even when we have studied the combinations." It made sense that he wouldn't use new combinations he didn't know, not knowing what the interactions would be. Fortunately, 3 of the 5 drugs did match. I asked if he'd help us monitor my body's response to the herbs and such from Mexico too. He explained that they do blood work weekly while using chemo so they'd catch any problems with organs quickly.
I asked him if he has ever seen a spontaneous remission. He said no and that, if he ever sees one, he will need to "reevaluate everything I am doing here." I saw one article on a man whose cancer vanished on it's own; but the article was sure to warn over and over that this is very rare.
He outlined the plan. A port installed by a surgeon this week. Get all insurance approvals. Start chemo next week. I felt trapped because it has become too dangerous to wait any longer. If the cancer gets into the bone marrow, the prognosis dives even more. Week 1 will be sick (first 5 days). 2nd week is the most dangerous for infection. 3rd week will be the best and then...start over. The first 3 weeks of the 14 week program is usually the worst because the cancer is dying off quickly. I'd start losing my hair either the 2nd week in or the 2nd set of chemo (at the 4th week). I can't remember. He said to prepare for that because it is so hard on people.
Finally he said he wanted to examine me. I thought the lymph nodes where the legs meets the groin were growing. It really bummed me out the other day when I thought I discovered that. He felt and felt and - nothing. The bump I felt on each side is a ligament that I haven't noticed until now, probably because I have been losing weight. He moved to the neck, abdomen, around the collarbone. He couldn't find even 1 lymph node that is swollen. He checked my lungs because some people with this get fluid build up around the lungs. I still feel the hard "marbles" in front of my ears. He says he's not convinced they are lymph nodes.
Obviously puzzled, he said to forget the port and chemo for now - we need a CT scan to see what is going on. Andy and I were as surprised as the doctor. We didn't want to get too excited but I felt such relief! It is tempting to think this is a misdiagnosis. The independent lab from Europe did find significant Circulating Tumor Cells in my body, though. Is all we are doing working? Who knows.
I do know that I am so thankful for all the wonderful people praying for me and supporting me though the valley this has been. And I am so grateful that I am always loved by so many people who show me what God's unconditional love is.
Who knows - miracles happen. If this is mine, I hope it brings hope to many many people. If this is just another reprieve before moving forward with the tough treatments, I hope we all will remember, God is good - All the time.
I felt defeated if I took the chemo route - but all the experts are telling me I need it (including one of the world's best alternative doctors). But so many people I respect and people I know who have been through chemo - either themselves or with someone they love, that absolutely would NOT do chemo if they had the chance to do it all again. The idea is that, with the poor prognosis of this type of cancer, I could live healthy and happy like I feel now, rather than spend precious time being, and dealing with the repercussions of being, poisoned.
On the other hand...I can't find even one instance of a person curing their Angioimmunoblastic T-cell Lymphoma without chemo. I did find a researcher at Yale I now have a referral for - that I am hoping to speak with to find out if there are any other options I don't know about.
I was frozen and sick of thinking about it and felt hopeless.
The therapist helped me tremendously. It is an involved process. One thing she said really resinated and gave me new hope, "We are going to trust that your body is going to show you what to do." I prayed for and hoped that somehow my body would give me more time to let all this extraordinary wellness regime work.
The doctor seemed OK with our questions and our sharing about some of the things we are doing. We asked about the chemo drugs the RGCC lab says work best with my biochemistry. He explained that "we hurt people with chemo, even when we have studied the combinations." It made sense that he wouldn't use new combinations he didn't know, not knowing what the interactions would be. Fortunately, 3 of the 5 drugs did match. I asked if he'd help us monitor my body's response to the herbs and such from Mexico too. He explained that they do blood work weekly while using chemo so they'd catch any problems with organs quickly.
I asked him if he has ever seen a spontaneous remission. He said no and that, if he ever sees one, he will need to "reevaluate everything I am doing here." I saw one article on a man whose cancer vanished on it's own; but the article was sure to warn over and over that this is very rare.
He outlined the plan. A port installed by a surgeon this week. Get all insurance approvals. Start chemo next week. I felt trapped because it has become too dangerous to wait any longer. If the cancer gets into the bone marrow, the prognosis dives even more. Week 1 will be sick (first 5 days). 2nd week is the most dangerous for infection. 3rd week will be the best and then...start over. The first 3 weeks of the 14 week program is usually the worst because the cancer is dying off quickly. I'd start losing my hair either the 2nd week in or the 2nd set of chemo (at the 4th week). I can't remember. He said to prepare for that because it is so hard on people.
Finally he said he wanted to examine me. I thought the lymph nodes where the legs meets the groin were growing. It really bummed me out the other day when I thought I discovered that. He felt and felt and - nothing. The bump I felt on each side is a ligament that I haven't noticed until now, probably because I have been losing weight. He moved to the neck, abdomen, around the collarbone. He couldn't find even 1 lymph node that is swollen. He checked my lungs because some people with this get fluid build up around the lungs. I still feel the hard "marbles" in front of my ears. He says he's not convinced they are lymph nodes.
Obviously puzzled, he said to forget the port and chemo for now - we need a CT scan to see what is going on. Andy and I were as surprised as the doctor. We didn't want to get too excited but I felt such relief! It is tempting to think this is a misdiagnosis. The independent lab from Europe did find significant Circulating Tumor Cells in my body, though. Is all we are doing working? Who knows.
I do know that I am so thankful for all the wonderful people praying for me and supporting me though the valley this has been. And I am so grateful that I am always loved by so many people who show me what God's unconditional love is.
Who knows - miracles happen. If this is mine, I hope it brings hope to many many people. If this is just another reprieve before moving forward with the tough treatments, I hope we all will remember, God is good - All the time.
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